MARCEL ET LES BLONDES
Personalised office survival manual poster — a day in the open-plan office
You started a design here. It is saved on this device.
Strictly confidentialread before the first coffee
Office Survival Manual
Because open-plan forgives nothing.
Special edition Siobhan
Accounts · 14 years of survival
- 8:47 am Arrival THE 8:59 SPRINT Burst in to look punctual.Drape a coat over the chair as proof of life.Open a random file.
- 10:15 am Morning THE EMAIL TANGO Reply “noted” instead of asking why.Write “I’ll come back to you”: three days’ grace.Cc your boss’s boss.
- 12:30 pm Lunch THE MICROWAVE WARS Wait twelve minutes for your turn.Reheat last night’s fish curry.Ignore the looks.
- 2:00 pm Afternoon THE 2 PM SLUMP Fight sleep in the afternoon meeting.Hold a pen over a blank page, looking thoughtful.Check the time every four minutes.
- 5:55 pm Home time THE GREAT ESCAPE Quietly pack your bag at 5:55.Leave your screen on, for show.Walk out as if heading for a meeting.
Golden rules
- Never reply all.
- Always look busy.
- Coffee is non-negotiable.
Approved by management (unofficially)
The preview is exactly what gets printed. The five moments arrive already filled in: keep them, pick another idea, roll the dice for the lot, or write your own.
A working day in five moments — arrival, morning, lunch, afternoon, home time — with the person’s or team’s name as a special edition, a title and three tips per moment, an energy gauge, three golden rules and an “approved by…” line. Four styles. Matte 250 g paper, A4 to 70 × 100 cm, or a print-ready file.
Step 4 of 4: Create my manual name · five moments · style
The five moments
A title and three tips: 160 characters at most for the text, one sentence per line. Pick an idea, roll the dice or write your own.
Your personalisation
Check the spelling: the poster is printed exactly as is, to order.
-
Printed in FranceComposed in our family workshop in Aveyron, checked before it ships.
-
Printed to order250 g matte paper, pigment inks: in our workshop up to 40 × 60, at our printer beyond that.
-
Shipped within 48 hTo your door or to a pickup point, by La Poste or Colissimo.
-
Ready to giveStandard frame sizes, easy to find.
Secure payment
Full description
The funny print that tells the story of a working day like a survival manual: arrival, morning, lunch, afternoon, home time. Each moment has its pictogram, its energy gauge (which only ever goes down, except at 5:55 pm), a title and three tips (“Reply ‘noted’ instead of asking why”), and the whole thing carries a person’s or team’s name as a special edition, three golden rules and the line “approved by management (unofficially)”. You recognise it from across the room, and everyone finds themselves in it.
You name who has to survive, you keep our tips or write your own — ten ideas per moment, a dice to pick another, “Pick everything at random” if inspiration runs short. Four styles: black and acid yellow, photocopied paper, danger sign, deadly serious company presentation. The preview updates with every keystroke and shows exactly what gets printed. A funny gift for a colleague, a leaving do, an office Secret Santa or a whole team.
- 250 g matte paper, pigment inks, printed to order.
- Five sizes: A4, 30 × 40, 40 × 60, 50 × 70 and 70 × 100 cm.
- Optional wooden frame on A4 and 30 × 40, black, white or natural.
- Or the printable file: all five sizes, each as a PDF and a 300 dpi PNG, by download link.
The poster, once printed
Sizes
A4 · 21 × 29.7 cm
The keepsake: a birth, the sky of one date. Everyone owns an A4 frame, and it ships flat, in a stiff card envelope.
30 × 40 cm Our favourite
The entry size, the most common frame size: IKEA, HEMA, Action.
40 × 60 cm
Bedroom and hallway décor, in 2:3 like a photograph. 40 × 60 frames at homeware or framing shops.
50 × 70 cm
The flagship living-room size, sold across the market. Shipped rolled, in a sturdy long cardboard box, home delivery only.
70 × 100 cm
The large wall size. 70 × 100 frames at IKEA (RÖDALM). Home delivery only.
Prefer to print it yourself? All five sizes, each as a PDF and as a 300 dpi PNG — ten files, by a download link sent after payment.
How it works
- You name who has to survive
A first name, a team or a department, and their job title if you like: the special edition is dedicated to them.
- You keep our tips, or write your own
Five moments of the working day, ten ideas each: the dice button picks another, “Pick everything at random” fills the lot. Four styles; the preview updates with every keystroke and is exactly what gets printed.
- We print in France
To order, on 250 g matte paper: in our Aveyron workshop up to 40 × 60, at our printer beyond that, and every poster comes back through the workshop before it ships. Or you receive the download link for the file by e-mail.
Specifications
| Formats | A4, 30 × 40, 40 × 60, 50 × 70 and 70 × 100 cm |
|---|---|
| Paper | Matte, 250 g/m² |
| Inks | Pigment-based, lightfast |
| Optional frame | On A4 and 30 × 40: wood, black · white · natural, with acrylic glass |
| File only | All five sizes as PDF and 300 dpi PNG, by download link |
| Design | Dandymaps® |
| Personalisation | Name · Job title · Style · The five moments · Approved by |
| Occasions | Office Secret Santa · A colleague’s leaving do · Welcome to the team · Christmas with colleagues · Original gift idea |
| Gift for | A colleague · A whole team · A project manager who has seen it all · Someone who works from home |
More gift ideas: Christmas
For the same occasion
Frequently asked questions
What does the print show?
A working day in five moments (arrival, morning, lunch, afternoon, home time), each with its own pictogram, an energy gauge, a title and three tips. At the top, the special edition in the name of the person or team; at the bottom, three golden rules and the line “approved by… (unofficially)”.
What can I personalise?
The name of the person, team or department, their job title if you like, the title and text of each of the five moments, the end of the “approved by…” line and the style: black and acid yellow, photocopied paper, danger sign or company presentation. The poster’s heading, the energy gauges and the golden rules don’t change.
Do I have to come up with the tips myself?
No: every moment arrives already filled in, there are ten ideas per moment, the dice button picks another and “Pick everything at random” fills all five in one go. Everything can be rewritten, and what you’ve typed is never replaced by a suggestion.
What’s a funny gift for a colleague, a leaving do or a Secret Santa?
A print people stop and read at the wall, and that everyone recognises: the emails, the kettle, the microwave queue, the 2 pm meeting. It’s personalised in two minutes in the recipient’s name, and the A4 print is the cheapest of our printed sizes, which suits an office Secret Santa or Kris Kindle.
Can I give one to a whole team?
Yes: you can put several prints in the same basket, each in its own name (a department, a person), and a company can ask for an invoice in its name and pay by bank transfer. The corporate gifts page explains how a team order works.
Is the humour hurtful?
It’s about office habits (replying all, the meeting that could have been an email, the microwave queue), never about a person, a profession or a group of people. And everything can be rewritten: if an idea wouldn’t go down well in your team, pick another or write your own.
Which size should I pick?
A4 or 30 × 40 cm, the only two available framed, for the wall by a desk, a kitchenette or a corridor. The bigger sizes make it a proper open-plan wall print: the 50 × 70 cm can be read from three metres away.
Can I see the print before ordering?
Yes. The preview updates with every keystroke, and it’s exactly what gets printed: the name, the five moments, the approval line and the style you chose.