Nana and Grandad said “don’t get us anything”: here’s what they’ll hang up anyway

The line you hear every year

Around six in the evening at the weekend, the video call comes through. Grandad is holding the phone far too close, so all you can see is his chin, and then he swings the screen round to show Nana something on the fridge. There, among the magnets, is the photo of the kids. The one from their first day at school. The eldest started secondary school two years ago.

And when you ask what they’d like for Christmas, the answer lands before you’ve finished the question: “Honestly, don’t get us anything, we’ve everything we need.” It isn’t just politeness, or not only. They do have everything: the throw, the biscuit tin, the cookbook, the candle that smells of fig. What they’re missing isn’t sold in any shop. It’s sitting on your phone.

What goes on the wall, and what goes in the drawer

A grandparent’s gift is judged in one place: the wall you see as you come through the door. Whatever ends up in a drawer has lost before it started. What stays up is nearly always a face: a grandson who’s just lost a tooth, a little girl pretending she isn’t posing. And only if it’s recent, which is exactly what a fridge photo isn’t.

The trouble with a printed photo is that it looks like every other photo. It joins the rest in the wooden frame in the hall, between the wedding and the communion, and before long nobody sees it any more. Painted in watercolour, the same photo becomes something you actually look at, because it seems to have been made just for them.

The grandchildren, painted from a photo

Here is what the grandchildren’s portrait does: you upload a photo taken on your phone, and the children are painted in watercolour, with their faces, their expressions and their clothes, on a soft cloud of colour with a few splashes. Four palettes to choose from: sage and ochre, powder pink, ocean blue, terracotta. Their names are written underneath, in handwritten lettering.

Then there’s the line that changes everything: a dedication of forty-eight characters at most, just under the names. “To Nana and Grandad, with all our love” fits with room to spare. It’s the only place where the present says who it’s from; everything else is in the children’s faces.

Let’s be straight about it: this isn’t painted by hand. An artificial intelligence paints the portrait from your photo in about thirty seconds, and you see it before you pay, with three tries per photo. That exact image, and no other, is what gets printed in the workshop. A likeness isn’t guaranteed: if it doesn’t look like them, you change the photo rather than give a portrait nobody recognises.

The photo to take, or retake

The best photo isn’t the prettiest, it’s the clearest: every face visible, head-on or three-quarters, in good light, all the children in the same frame. A birthday or holiday snap will do, and so will a shot of the kids playing in the garden. You don’t need a photographer; just avoid backlighting and heads turned away.

The background disappears: the sitting room, the balloons, the den. A bench or sofa under the children can stay, and a clearly visible adult is painted in with them. In our tests, three children, two giving each other a hug and four cousins including a baby all came out whole. The more children, the smaller each face and the more the likeness suffers. Want only the children? Crop the photo before you upload it.

When it’s the whole family, or just the two of them

Sometimes the photo won’t squeeze into “the children”. It’s the one from the Christmas dinner, everyone round the table, including the uncle hiding behind his glass. That’s the family portrait: parents, children, grandparents, and the family dog if he’s in the picture. In our tests, a family of four with their dog and a table of seven came out whole; beyond seven people, nothing is guaranteed.

It’s often the best joint present. The cousins chip in, one photo is enough, and the family name is written underneath, with “At Nana’s” as a line of text if you feel like it. For grandparents it’s the poster that says we’re all here, even on the days when we aren’t.

And if the gift should be about the two of them alone, a wedding anniversary for instance, the same portrait exists for a couple: their photo, their two first names and the date underneath.

Keeping it secret until Christmas

The hard part isn’t the order, it’s getting hold of the photo without raising suspicion. Take it yourself at the next family get-together, or dig one out of your phone: the summer one, the birthday, the big dinner. If nothing is sharp enough, quietly ask the other parent. There’s no rush before you’ve seen the portrait, because you see it before you pay.

As for size, A4 or 30 × 40 cm will sit nicely on a sideboard or in a hallway, with an optional wooden frame, black, white or natural. Bigger than that, the poster travels rolled, ready to be framed at their place or yours. Write the names underneath, add the dedication, and the present is ready.

How long before Christmas

The workshop prints within forty-eight hours, and what’s left is the carrier’s business. To have the parcel under the tree in good time, order a week before Christmas if it’s staying in France, ten days if it’s crossing a border. Too late for that? The print file reaches you by download link as soon as the payment goes through, and any shop with a photo kiosk can print it.